A deal-breaker

What if your biggest fear is the one thing you ever crave for?

Love.

Not that you don’t feel worthy of it.

You very well know you deserve all the love there is.

But you don’t know what it feels like. The kind that is non-judgemental and unconditional.

It is unfamiliar territory.

You don’t know where to place your trust and how to save yourself from the fall.

The biggest worry, who you will drag down with you.

Because like you, there is someone else who deserves all the love in the world.

But you just don’t know how to offer it.

Not without the fear of destroying everything there is.

Not without knowing the fear is just a fear and nothing more.

The zing.

Turning a year older, I wonder like I do every year.
What is age, if not just a number?

I believe I turn wiser by the second.

Am I still the same old foolish me, at times?

Yes. I am.

Do I know it all?

Duh. Whom am I kidding?

There is so much to do and so much more to experience.
The changing tides, the changing me through it all.

It is being lost, being found, being lost all over again, and finding myself AGAIN.

To feel the happiness, to feel the pain, and to choose how to channel the latter.

To the struggles and the crushing moments, and to make a weirdly nice lemonade of it all.

To breathe and to brace myself on what’s to come.

To the new sides, the hidden sides, the ever flamboyant sides of me.

To the preachy one, the curious one, the joker, the scary one, the one with a poker face.

To the ‘I mean business’ one, and the one that does not make any sense at all.

To love and to cherish it all.

To wing it as I go. And to drop some glitters on my way.

A symphony.

The element of the unknown.
The reflection of your true self.
The sight of what lies deep within.

That’s what scared me.

In dreams and in reality,
that is why the still waters scared me.

With waves, you know what you expect.
You can predict their behavior by their patterns.

It’s like, they say, a known devil is better than an unknown.

But in a dream last night, I went beyond the waves,
I sat by the still waters, I let my feet soak in,
I felt a sense of calm like never before.

And when something caused a ripple, I remained unhinged.
I let the calmness consume me.

And, just like that, I wake up as a whole new person.
My mind, body, and soul are in sync and tunes a perfect symphony.

Bursting the bubble.

Last week, I lost my cool in a public place, and one thing I do when I lose my cool is laugh.

Yes, I believe in losing cool calmly and humorously.
Yes, the onlookers find it absurd and scary.

Here is what attributed to the situation.

My mum and I had to run an errand, and this activity involved an elevator to help us reach our destination. You would expect that the process of getting out of the elevator, if not in an orderly manner, is to allow those in front of you to step out first before you do, at the very least.

I had a woman standing behind me brush through me and step out, like the 5’4 individual in front of her did not exist. And, I am talking about a full-body brush through.

Now, one can say maybe she was in a rush for something important. Yes, a benefit of the doubt there.

But.

This is a frequent occurrence in public places for me, and I noticed the pattern around, in general.

Now, COVID or not, I believe in the concept of a personal bubble. A hug by a friend or family or a pat on the back is OK, you have an understanding there, and I don’t mind the bubble bursting.

However, in public spaces, I see people being cautious about personal space towards a different gender, which is excellent. Then why not follow it with the same gender?

I have traveled a fair share in public transport during my time in Chennai, share-autos, and public RTC buses. So, I understand the woes of fitting into a compact place when you need to get somewhere and have no alternative transportation mode. Or shop in crowded areas. (#during non-COVID times).

But.

When space is an option, or when the said area is filled with women, why is it naturally assumed it is OK to burst that personal bubble because you are of the same gender? It is beyond my understanding.

For the very few places I traveled in my lifetime, I observed this only in India so far. So, is it just our thing, or does it happen elsewhere as well? Because I can’t be the only one cribbing about it and dislike it with utmost passion. 😀

Disclaimer –

  1. I am a true feminist. This post has nothing to do with the ”women going after other women.” That is not the agenda.
  2. This is not a hate post towards any gender, region, or country.
  3. I am aware that India is a large country, and I have not covered all parts of it.

When your worst nightmare comes true.

Have you ever thought of that one thing that you don’t want to be doing? Even in your worst nightmares, you don’t want to even consider a remote possibility you could be like that individual?

If you are from the Indian or the Asian community, this will make all the sense in the world.

Here I am on a fine day, taking a quick break to figure out the best way to store a set of ripe bananas to avoid those friendly tiny bees hovering around them. While I am at it, I hear noises next door.

Now, I know that I might have a new neighbor, as I noticed some movements around in the last couple of days.

When I sensed the possibility that these new neighbors are outside their door doing not sure what. I took it as a perfect opportunity to make a sly move to snoop on them.

To execute the plan, I rushed (earlier than usual) to collect my garbage bag and place it in the bin outside. While the plan failed and I reentered my house with no sight of this new neighbor, something occurred while closing the door behind.

Did I just become one of those aunties we often mock?

This moved me into a state of shock, and it took me a few minutes to recover.

On introspection, I realized if these were the non-covid times, I would have very well prepped a small dish and would have knocked on their door at a saner time of the day and officially welcomed them.

But with COVID, my paranoia, and since this event only occurred a couple of days after my first jab of vaccination hyping my paranoia, I might have resorted to this unthinkable act.

So, here I am, hoping and praying to the universe that this was ONLY one of those rare, never-to occur events in my lifetime.

Whoever said curiosity killed the cat never managed to share tips on how to save the cat.

Disclaimer – To the past, present, and future neighbors, where I am now, or going to be in the future, please know that I am a nice person in general, and I have often been told I am too good for this world. 😀

The contempt

Star crossed lovers.
Damned by the life at every turn.
Until life couldn’t confine them no more.


The Dilemma.

I once asked an older person what the costliest mistake and the biggest regret in their life is.

The response came,

“Crossing the thin line between helping someone and losing my sense of self. And then not being able to find myself again.

But the biggest regret lies in not knowing which I regret more.


Image credits – Image by congerdesign from Pixabay

Have you ever wondered…

Have you ever wondered how we humans are confused beings?

We confuse needs with wants.
We confuse talent with passion.
We confuse choices with options.
We confuse taking pride with being proud.
We confuse intimacy with physical proximity.
We confuse love with a selfless act of the one.


Image credits – Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay

A tale of four.

It does not matter until it does. It does not matter until it hits you close.

This is the tale of a kid, a frog, a crow, and a thorny bush.
The tale leads the kid to a realization that day.

A realization that ”Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” Though she would hear the literal statement much later in the years in the movie, ”Princess Diaries.”

Here is how it all unfolded.

The kid and her family visited her grandparent’s village every summer. However, the kid detested slimy creatures, and on top of her list were frogs. Because the frogs were so prominent there, and it was a deal-breaker for the kid, her grandmother ensured the frogs were cleared off the kid’s path. And, there we go, a happy kid in vacation bliss.

One day, the kid sneaked in on her grandmother but from afar to see how she bravely tackles the slimy demons in her backyard. And, with that sight, her jaw dropped, and she felt as if someone punched her hard in the stomach.

Her grandmother picked the frogs stuck against the walls and tossed them to the other side till the area is cleared. That was the standard process. But when she picked this one frog to toss it over, a crow sitting nearby flew in to grab it by its beak, but the frog slipped through and fell into a thorny bush nearby.

The kid ran to her grandmother, begging her to stop and that she would somehow manage to co-exist with the frogs. The frogs lived happily ever after. And the kid did learn to co-exist with them. She still felt fear in her heart, but it was far better than the punch in the stomach she felt that day.


Image credits – Image by Bogdan Ch from Pixabay

Keeping it simple – Part 3

Here are some tips&tricks in continuation to my earlier posts – Keeping it simple- Part 1 and Keeping it simple- Part 2. Do take a look at them; if you have not done so already, it will set a premise for this post. 🙂

What to wear, and what not to? –

  1. Firstly, I cleared my wardrobe to only retain clothes that spark joy and ones I use often.
  2. If temptation kicks in to purchase new, I keep the items in the online shopping cart for a week or two before placing an order.
  3. While looking for purchase, I started to think about how I can use them in multiple ways. I still need to work on the mix and match techniques, though.

Yes, I end up repeating my clothes despite the occasion. I have had surprised looks and reactions on why I can not buy more when I can. At the end of the day, I stress less on ‘getting ready’ and stopped saving items for a possible event that might come up or for when I put on or drop weight—total bliss.

Of course, the downsizing was methodical – I gave away the ones that were still in good condition and discarded the worn-out ones. And did so with much thinking.

Accessories – Yes/No?

I read that accessorizing is the key. You can change the attire’s look by working with mix&match, introducing various elements to the same apparel and style differently. And, this can be done just with a few essential items. However, this is an area I am yet to master. Again, baby steps (#self-note).

Stocking on personal items –

I purchase the right amount of personal items and purchase extras if needed, planning ahead for essentials ONLY.

Books, books, books –

I cleared the bookshelf and gave them all away. Ouch, I know. These were all books I read multiple times and were catching dust. It felt right to part so that their purpose is still served.

If you prefer physical books, partaking in book clubs to exchange books for reading is one way. I haven’t explored this area and less likely to. The introvert in me is not ready yet. For now, virtual books it is.

The household decor and other items –

  1. Minimalist decor in the house gives an illusion of a bigger space and makes the cleaning chores way easier.
  2. Reducing the utensils in the kitchen and having the right set/count of cutlery again saves space, but it also means you clean as you go.

The last bit might be challenging to manage, especially if you are staying with friends or family, and they don’t share the same ideology of this lifestyle. Which is entirely OK.

All in all, like everything else in life, don’t stress on in too much. Have open conversations with those in your life who might be impacted by this lifestyle change. And, don’t push it. What works for one might not work for another. So, inform with an intent to engage, not to convert those around.

With this, I end the series – Keeping it simple.

So, have you tried minimalist ways or the Konmari method?
If so, how was/is your experience?
What worked for you and what didn’t?
Does this work in a house filled with kids?
I am all ears. 😀


Image credits – Image by Екатерина Киселёва from Pixabay

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